Monday, April 7, 2014

F is for Far--, Uh, Flatulence

We ate dinner at a rinky dink Mexican restaurant near us (quick and cheap). The place wasn't terribly busy, and the only cashier was in the back somewhere and didn't realize an older gentleman was waiting at the register to pay, about ten feet away from our table. As we were eating (I had the carne asada tacos and picked off the onions, which isn't easy), and as I was telling a story about my day at preschool, the man waiting by the counter emitted a massive, reverberating fart which lasted at least ten seconds. And he stood there, leaning against the counter by the register, as though nothing were happening at all, throughout his entire organ recital. 

I tried to keep telling my story, but a giggle escaped. Then another and another. My daughter was snickering, too. My husband, never batting an eyelash, kept eating. 

"Do you know why we're laughing?" I asked him.

 He nodded as he kept eating. I resumed my story, but my inner 11 year old boy caused me to crumple again into a fit of giggles a short time later, setting my daughter off as well. My husband continued to eat.

The cashier finally came out and the man paid his bill and left. No sooner was he out the door than my daughter and I resumed our laughter, tears streaming. My husband, still eating, said, "Not as silent as he thought it was going to be." My daughter's mouth dropped open as she turned to her dad and said, "What do you mean, HE thought it was going to be? I thought YOU did it!" 

My husband, looking aghast that she would even suggest it, said, "I wouldn't do something like that in PUBLIC!"

Sighing, my daughter wiped her eyes and picked up her fork to resume eating, saying, "It was a lot funnier when I thought DAD was the one who farted."

And we finished eating, grateful that the dining room was so full of smoke from either the fajitas or a kitchen grease fire that we were not able to detect any residual effects from that tremendous, um, release.


19 comments:

  1. I wodner if he was losing his hearing...maybe he had no clue that there was any sound?

    Anyway...still very funny. And comforting...to know that I am not the only female who finds farts funny. I can't help it. They are. Indy disagrees, however...if one of the PBA or Mr. AR (because of course I never do!) farts near him, he gives them a disgusted look and RUNS away. He has standards, apparently.

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  2. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA Love it

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  3. I'm always amazed that that never really phases some people. And I don't mean your husband

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    1. My husband was VERY unphased by it, as was the man who actually did it. He didn't bat an eyelash.

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  4. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! It's funny regardless of who let it fly. And really, the loud ones aren't the ones you need to worry about. It's the silent ones. They're deadly.

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    1. He HAD to know we were laughing about it, since we were so close to where he was standing. Maybe he was hard of hearing and didn't know it made a sound...?

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  5. ROFL , what a fantastic Fart story buddy :D
    Ur daughters disappointment cracked me up

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    1. You would have thought she would have been mortified at the thought that it was her father, instead of being disappointed!

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  6. I love this post! These sorts of situations are hilarious, and I LOVE your daughter's reaction. I, too, would be holding back chuckles.

    I have memories of shopping with my dad and he lets one fly. He taught me his method of passing one and then walking away, quickly. I used to me mortified of this concept, but hell, I admit, I have used it once before. :P

    I agree with Christine, at least it was a loud and proud one. Could have been way worse if it was a silent but violent one.

    Kate at Daily discovery

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    1. Don't you hate it when someone has done the fart and dash in a store, then you worry that anyone else walking down the aisle will think it was YOU? As soon as another shopper rounds the corner, you want to yell, "IT WASN'T ME! IT WAS HERE WHEN I GOT HERE!"

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  7. LMFAO that is hilarious! I would have attempted the route your husband took, but only until the culprit had left, so as to not be rude and embarrass (or anger) them.

    I can't believe your daughter thought her father had let loose that beast. I can only imagine had that happened right at your table.

    It was a Mexican joint, so come on, give an old timer a break, I'm sure he ate beans :-)

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

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    1. My daughter and I had no decorum whatsoever. We just sat there and giggled.

      And you're right, it was probably the beans....

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  8. Haha love that she thought it was her dad!!

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  9. He was very injured by her thinking that!

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  10. I would have been ROLLING! That is funny!

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