Monday, June 17, 2013

Sweating To, Make That WITH, The Oldies

All right, my worst fear has been realized. The side effect that I have most dreaded (once I learned I didn't have to have infusion chemo and lose my hair, anyway) and tried to avoid has happened.

I'm fat.

Both drugs I take, Zoladex and Arimidex, can cause weight gain. Not for this girl, I thought (erroneously, it turns out). And I held it off for 10 months.

And then BOOM - 12-15 pounds in the blink of an eye. Okay, it doesn't help that I had also taken a sabbatical from my exercise regime at that time, but I didn't increase my calorie intake, so I can only imagine (shudder, shudder, shudder) what would have happened if I had starting pigging out as well.

Two weeks ago, I vowed to resume my workouts. Hauled my sorry ass out of bed every morning for the past two weeks (and even got my husband to join me), and the beast has been unleashed! Elliptical machine and weights in the mornings, Zumba on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.

Then I saw that a new class had been added to the Y's line-up on Monday and Wednesday evenings - AquaZumba. (Fortunately, the ability to swim is not a requirement of the class). And I LOVED it. No sweat exercising - how much better could it get? Here's how much - there's also a class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings as well. I am ON IT. 

So, Monday morning, I arrived at the Y about 8:45. The lap lanes had several elderly people paddling around with pool noodles and aquatic weights. I didn't see anyone there for the AquaZumba yet, but I went ahead and eased into the water. 

Another elderly woman showed up, then another and another.

A very bored looking lifeguard was sitting in a chair on the pool deck where the instructor had been for the afternoon AquaZumba class I had attended. Seemed odd. I kept watching for the teacher to show up. And the class.

Right at 9:00 this, shall we say, pleasantly plump woman came over to the edge of the pool and tossed pool noodles into the water. Now, I had never met the morning AquaZumba instructor, but I knew her name was Whitney. And this woman did NOT look like someone named Whitney who taught Zumba and AquaZumba.

The elderly ladies began to gather and each take a pool noodle. And that's when the reality set in.

This was not AquaZumba.

This was Aquacise. 

AquaZumba is at 10:00, not 9:00.

And there was no way to escape gracefully, especially after the instructor approached me to ask if I were new.

"Have you ever done Aquacise before?" she gently asked.

"Nooooo," I answered, while inside my head, I screamed, "BECAUSE I'M NOT 80 YEARS OLD!!!"

The little old lady next to me said, "Don't worry, we'll help you with the moves."

Oh, dear God....

We held the pool noodles and walked sideways, back and forth, across the pool. 

We hooked a noodle under our foot and used it to move our knee up and down.

We stood on one leg and swung the other leg to the front and back.

We did jumping jack moves with our legs (which caused some very weird whooshing of water in my nether regions, in a douchey way,  not in a good way, or I would say I have figured out why these old ladies do Aquacise).

We held the side and kicked our legs.

As we did each move, the instructor came over to me to show me how to execute it. I felt like I was 10. Or 110. (I did bring the median age of the group down by about 25 years.)

It was the longest 45 minutes of my life. The only thing that kept me from slipping under the water and drowning myself were the words, "blog fodder, blog fodder" going through my head. (God knows I could have done it; the lifeguard had her eyes closed half the time.) I mouthed "Help me" to the lifeguard, but she had her eyes closed, probably also wishing she weren't there.

When the class finally ended, I climbed out of the pool, dried off, and, with a Mona Lisa smile pasted to my face, serenely left the building, got in my car, and then laughed until I cried. 

I'm not sure why I'm surprised about this whole mix-up, since I'm the one who showed up a month early for my ob/gyn appointment a few months ago. 

Maybe I've finally, FINALLY, learned my lesson.


  1. Hahaha! My mom once went to AquaAerobics on purpose, then realized that at the age of 57 she was the youngest by far. She loved it, even though it made her feel old and young at the same time.
    I love that you stayed through the entire thing.
    Now, you must put your big girl britches on and go back for the actual aquazumba class. I really, really want to know what that is like. I can't even picture it. Promise?

    1. It could have been worse. There is an arthricise class where the keep the water just a few degrees below boiling.

      I DID go to AquaZumba and I loved it! Except don't wear a suit with a cute little skirt. Because you will spend the whole class fighting that little skirt as it floats up around your waist. (By the way, the class really works your arms. I'm going to have quite a gun show pretty soon.)

  2. Whoa there, I think I would've spent the whole class laughing...

    1. I spent the whole class wishing I would be sucked down the drain.

  3. That is so funny. At least you got in a workout. I bet you were the youngest one there by half :D

    1. It certainly wasn't strenuous. A couple of the women exercised their mouths instead of their bodies, as they talked NON STOP the entire time while everyone else was exercising.

  4. oh man, this is classic! what was the verdict, though - was it a decent class? at least since it was a bunch of old people you didn't have to feel intimidated by their superior physiques and skill level (which is how i always feel when i attempt any class at the gym, even the ones that are allegedly for beginners!)

    1. I WAS intimidated by their skill level, because when the instructor wasn't correcting me, one of them was! And one of the kicks we had to do made my IT band hurt in my left hip, which is very sad as I finally had gotten the pain to go away after about ten months of it bothering me.

      Now, I LOVE AquaZumba and highly recommend it. VERY fun!

  5. This class happens at my Y too and sometimes I watch it while I'm on the treadmill. I am always amazed by how much those old ladies enjoy a good pool noodle...

  6. Bwahahahahahahaha! Your reply on my blog makes a lot more sense now. Wasn't aware this was from recent personal experience. That is hilarious! I can't believe you stayed for the entire class. Though, I would have been too embarrassed/anxiety-bound to leave myself.

    It's great you are getting back into a workout routine! AquaZumba sounds like it suits you great... Unfortunately your Aquacise companions may feel sad and lonely without you... or they will talk smack that you couldn't keep up with your elders ;-)

    Keeping a schedule can be hard (at least for me) depending on the motivation level you are able to harness. I've been going 3-4 times a week, doing various exercises, but I'm at about the same weight as when I began.

    Now, I don't have the best diet yet, but I'm really hoping a bit of that weight that came back is muscle! I can tell my arms and legs are getting stronger, but that midsection is a bitch :-( Bane of my existence!

    Good luck with your exercising, and don't be afraid to Aquacise now and again. Muahahahaha!

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

    1. It was less awkward to stay than to slink out of the pool. It made me feel very young, though!

      Getting up at 5:30 to go to the gym is ROUGH, but it really does make me eat better all day, as I don't want to mess up the great start I got to my day. (I do, occasionally, have to fight the urge to pig out on something because I "earned" it by exercising so hard all day.

      Aqua Zumba is very good for your core. You should try it.