Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Handle: A Six Sentence Story

The attorney walked up to the witness stand where the woman, head bowed, sat, shoulders slumped, her hands in her lap as they twisted a tissue, and said, "Tell the court, in your own words, just what happened."

She spoke, softly at first, then her voice grew stronger as the tissue twisted tighter and tighter, "At first, it was some plastic containers, you know, like from the deli, and different sizes, but the lids would fit any of them, and all the leftovers started going in them. Then the jars started, and it went from him washing empty jelly jars and re-using them to buying canning jars from the store, and he was putting leftovers in those. Next thing I knew, he was prowling in thrift stores, looking for a different kind of jar, these squared-off ones with interchangeable lids he said were called Golden Harvest canisters, and even though he insisted canisters were different, all I could see was jars, jars, jars; jars in the refrigerator filled with soup and vegetables and milk and iced tea, and in the cupboards filled with oats and pasta and nuts and candy, and on the counter filled with flour and sugar and empty plastic bags, and then he filled one with cat food, cat food, and I just couldn't handle it any longer, and I, I...."

Her voice trailed off as tears spilled down her cheeks, and as she silently wept, the attorney placed a large photograph on an easel, and a collective gasp came from every member of the courtroom as they took in the scene: the kitchen, the broken glass, the body, the jars and jars and jars and jars.

With hardly more than a glance at the easel, the judge rose from the bench, raised her gavel, and said, "Justified," as the courtroom broke into cheers.

No jury would convict me....


Linking up with Denise at Girlie On The Edge's Blog for Six Sentence Stories with the prompt "handle."

Sunday, September 26, 2021

Guest Post For This Week's Thankfuls!

I had a request for a guest post for my Ten Things of Thankful, and after giving it a little thought, I decided to let him go for it. Here's Lewis, my tuxedo cat, with his list of Ten Things of Thankful.

Hey, this is Lewis. It's my birthday (I'm a big THREE), and I wanted a turn with this tappy tappy thing my hooman mom spends so much time on (and gets mad when I walk across it) so I could tell you what I'm thankful for. 

Well, my hooman mom is first. She pets me and rubs my belly. She cleans my poo poo box and feeds me (not as often as I'd like, but still). I don't like it when she tries to shave my booty, but I appreciate the effort (not going to let it happen again and I don't think she'll try it again anyway). I can't help it if my poo gets hung up in my luscious, long fur, can I? Besides, if I run REALLY REALLY fast, I can outrun it. Sometimes. 

I'm not supposed to be here....

I can't forget my birth mom. She was a good mama. She came back to look for me and my brothers and sisters when we were in a house fire as itty bitty babies, and we were reunited and taken to a foster home to grow big and healthy. That's when my hooman family adopted me and one of my brothers. Extra big thanks to my hooman mom's friend Ruth for finding me on instagram (I TOLD you I am luscious - started out as an Instagram influencer...) and telling my mom about me and the rest of my family.

Helping with a sewing project.

I'm thankful for my brother, Finn. He is not as big as me and I can scare him and rough him up and get his share of our food, and I also like playing chase with him in our house.

Baby pic of me and my brother Finn.

I'm thankful I can see in the dark. There were flashy boom booms the other night, and then my hooman dad was stumbling around in the dark, but I could see just fine! 

Enjoying my ottoman.

I'm thankful for pop tops on my cat food cans and good ears. I can hear my mom crack one of those open from a dead sleep while upstairs and on the other side of the house. 

I am thankful for the big chair and ottoman my mom bought for me. I let her sit in it sometimes.

Sharing my ottoman with mom and sister.

I'm thankful for my hooman sister who comes home sometimes and plays with me. I like it when she plays laser pointer with me and when she waves around the feather on a stick.

I'm not as thankful for my hooman brother, because he has big scary feet, but he does play with me, so yeah. 

I'm thankful for my hooman uncle who buys me presents.

Wasn't supposed to be here, either.

I guess I'm thankful for my big sister, Nora Pearl. She was already here when my brother and I moved in, and she did things for us that our mom used to do, like snuggle us and let us nurse on her (my hooman mom said that was weird) and she gave us baths (Finn still lets her do that, but I'm too big for my sister to bathe me). Hooman mom says I'm not very nice to her now, and she's always yelling at me to leave her alone and quit tea bagging her (which I don't get, since the vet took my tea bags out a long time ago). But if I bug her enough, I can get her food, and it's pretty funny to chase her and make her tail get all poofy.

See? Sometimes we get along!

I have to go now, because the window is open and the curtain is blowing and I have to try to catch it. Then maybe I'll chew on the windowsill a little, nibble on some kitty kibbies, knock some stuff off the dresser, yarf up a hair ball on the rug, and take a nap. Have you written your Ten Things of Thankful post yet? You should.

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Monday, September 20, 2021

Win Some, Lost This One

 I'm watching the Chiefs, wondering why every game has to be a nail biter. Can I write a Ten Things of Thankful post AND watch the last quarter of this game? Let's find out!

It was hot and dry this week (again), but I think, THINK this may be the last week of that.

Movement time with my nugs at school. I love singing and dancing and jumping around with them, and I'm grateful I am able to do so at my advanced age....

We cooked this week at school, stirring up Applesauce Pancakes, and no one sneezed into the batter. 

My husband and I hit a few thrift stores and flea markets last weekend and scored two Fiestaware dessert plates for fifty cents a piece. They are around $12 each new, and these are in perfect condition!

Big eating week at school this past week: biscuit day, tater tot casserole day, and hamburger day.

My plantar fasciitis is (saying this guardedly) better. 

Homemade ice cream sandwiches, which I made today. They are delicious.

Co-workers who cheered me up when I was having a rough day.

Funny memes. Here's one:

Well, I'm not thankful for the outcome of the Chiefs game. Ouch. But it was a well-played game by both teams, my life doesn't change one way or the other due to the outcome, and I don't bet, so I'm not out anything except a couple of finger nails.

And that's the list for this week. 

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Monday, September 13, 2021

No Thanks To The DMV

I sort of missed my own blog hop last week, but Labor Day Weekend messed me up. I kept thinking I'd write my TToT post on Monday evening, but then I forgot it was Monday and not Sunday (because, you know, three day weekend), and then it was Tuesday and NOT Monday and I missed it. Also missed Six Sentence Story for pretty much the same reason. Sigh. 

How's about some thankfuls?

1. My birthday was over Labor Day weekend, and I got a surprise tray of cupcakes from one of my fave student workers that were BEAUTIFULLY decorated. . . .

Look REALLY CLOSELY at them.

2. I also got my Real ID, but not without difficulty. My husband texted me on Wednesday morning to remind me my driver's license expired on Sunday. Oopsie. I drove to the DMV in the next town over (the one here smells like feet) to get it, but I was told my marriage license wasn't good enough to prove I was the same person as my birth certificate said I was; they had to have a certified true copy, "with the embossed seal on it." I was told I would have to go to the Recorder of Deeds office to get it and it was already closed, so just to go there on Thursday, get the copy "with the embossed seal on it" and I could get my Real ID. 

I was really cutting it close to the ol' deadline, so I had to use my planning time on Thursday to go to the Recorder's office for the true copy, you know, the one with the embossed seal on it, then back to the DMV. I estimated the whole thing to take me about an hour, including drive time, and I'd still have half an hour of planning time, but when I walked into the Recorder's office, they told me they only had access to marriage licenses from Jasper County, and I got married in Vernon County. I said, "The woman at the DMV told me I could get it here," and they said, "Yeah, they keep telling people that. Someone should tell them not to," to which I answered, "I think YOU should be the one that tells them."  I then asked if the Vernon County Recorder could send the recorded license electronically, but the answer was an emphatic no, because (why?) IT HAD TO HAVE THE EMBOSSED SEAL ON IT. 

Quite pissed off about the whole thing, I called school to let them know I wouldn't be back after all, called the Vernon County Recorder's office and told them I was on my way there to get a true copy of my marriage license, and then drove the one hour it takes to get there. The very nice ladies in the Recorder's office had my copy ready for me when I walked in and handed it to me. I looked at it, then turned it over and looked again before asking, "Where's the embossed seal?!"

"Oh, we don't do an embossed seal here. We just use a stamp."

Breathe. Breathe. BREATHE.

There. Was. No. Reason. It. Couldn't. Have. Been. Sent. Electronically.


I drove over to the Vernon County DMV, gave them all my paperwork, waited while the clerk checked it, and then she said, "I need your birth certificate." 

The last time I had seen it, I had been at the Jasper County DMV. I frantically began rummaging through my bag where the rest of the papers had been, and as I searched, I said to the clerk, "I just want you to know that if my birth certificate is not in this bag, I am going to ugly cry right here and now." She was all of about 20 years old, and I don't think she had been adequately trained for that scenario, but fortunately, I found the birth certificate tucked way down in the bag, and no tears were shed. 

I had to pass a vision test, WHICH I DID WITHOUT MY GLASSES, so I am no longer restricted, even though I wouldn't trust myself to drive without them even if the DMV does. Besides reading the letters in the top row, the test also includes a check of your peripheral vision which my dad cheats on and they've never caught him at it. I did it without cheating.

Last step was the photo. I popped a pose for the camera, but the clerk told me I had to stand with my shoulders straight, so there went the flattering angle. I tried to get a little head tilt in there, but I got caught at that, too, but the photo isn't too horrid, and I'm sure if the clerk at the  Vernon County DMV keeps her OWN thankful list, the fact that I finally left was right at the top of her list. 

3. Okay, #2 was kind of long. I'll try to be more succinct with the rest of the list. I am thankful for a lovely birthday weekend at the lake house with my husband, daughter, and dad, plus our three cats and my daughters newly adopted cat, and there were no fights from anyone, two legged or four legged.

My Finn keeping an eye on my daughter's
cat as he relaxes in the bathtub.

Harmony: Finn, Nora Pearl, Lewis, and 
Calvin (inside the pride house)

4. I'm thankful that the two legged members of the household don't actually fight. Can't say the same for the four legged ones.

5. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about wanting, and finding, a house dress/muumuu at a thrift store. I was (and continue to be) baffled that you can't walk into a store like JC Penney or Walmart and find a house dress (they are also called house coats or dusters). I see women wearing them sometimes (they don't seem to understand the "house" part of "house dress"). Where do these old ladies find them, then? My husband found out the answer was the internet, and he bought me three, THREE of them for my birthday! They are so comfy and I love them. Don't ask me what made me want one in the first place, but they are THE BOMB.

Searsucker house dress. I'm fancy.

6. This sticker on one of the house dresses made our whole family laugh:

7. If you're from Kansas City, you will understand the significance of this snow globe I got from my daughter. Fun fact: it was printed on a 3D printer, which is something I cannot wrap my head around. 

The Nelson/Atkins Museum shuttlecock

8. Temperatures are still reaching the 90s in the afternoons, but the nights are cooler and the air just feels different. Fall is almost here!

9. The Chiefs won the first game of the season with a nail biter. I'm glad football season is back!

10. I got my post written. 

It's never too late to be thankful. 

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Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Nebulous: A Six Sentence Story

The dream came every night, without fail, and some nights, she would wake up suddenly from it and remember almost every detail, while other nights, the dream was nebulous, and the more she tried to remember what happened, the more it was like trying to catch smoke in her hands.

There were nights when she would try to wish the dream away, but it came anyway, dancing into her sleep, frightening her with its realism, and she would wake up, trembling, her throat dry from trying to call out as she dreamt, and she would lie still until the shapes of the night became the ordinary things in her room, and she knew she was safe.

The worst nights were when the dream was not realistic at all but was just shadows and fog  that swirled about until she was able to pull herself out of their grasp, and she would scramble from her bed and pace the floor until she could convince herself that it was just a dream.

She had begun fearing the night, because she knew the dream would come, and then she began fearing the day, because she felt as though the dream were watching her somehow.

Her skin grew sallow, her eyes hollow, her hair dry and unkempt, and her very being got smaller and smaller as the dream grew larger and larger, until one night, she quit fighting. Instead of trying to push the dream away, she rose to meet it, the dream taking her thin hand and pulling her upwards until she was nothing more than a wisp of mist, and then she was gone.

Linking up with Denise at Girlie On The Edge's Blog for Six Sentence Stories with the prompt "nebulous."