Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Completely Disjointed And Random Thoughts

Disjointed thoughts for your reading pleasure:

I have two solid blue cats with a total weight of over 40 pounds. I have one calico who is mostly white with black and orange spots and who weighs about 8 pounds. 95% of the cat hair on my clothes is white. I am no math whiz, but this doesn't add up.

A recent conversation between my son and daughter about hash browns:
Son: They cook the hashbrowns on a grill.
Daughter (looking puzzled): A grill? How do they do that?
Son: Not the kind with the flames. The Spongebob kind.
Daughter: Ohhhhh.

My daughter's friends are starting to get their driver's licenses, and I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I may overdose on candy pumpkins by Halloween.

A recent conversation between me and my daughter, while the family was riding in the car:
Daughter: If you're going to sell your produce on the side of the road, do you HAVE to make your sign look so bad?
Me: Yes, you have to make it look like Jethro Bodine made it.
Daughter: Who's Jethro Bodine?
Me: Sigh....

I ate an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream today, but when my husband asked me what I had eaten today that kept me from being hungry for dinner, I only told him about the peanut butter sandwich I had for lunch.

A pint of ice cream really isn't that much.

I think I look better naked than I do in clothes, but you're just going to have to take my word for it.

I took Fletcher, our 12 year old kitteh, to the vet today. He gets car sick very easily, so it's really a joy to travel with him, whether it be one mile or 100 miles. I decided to put him in Ruby's small, soft-sided carrier, so he (hopefully) wouldn't have room to get sick. Got the carrier from the basement. Set it in a chair and unzipped the opening at the end (think rural mailbox). Rousted the cat from his hiding place in my husband's closet (I never even BREATHED the word "vet," so, obviously, he read it on the calendar), carried him downstairs to stuff him in the carrier before he knew what was happening to him, and found the carrier already occupied by 25 lb. Pete, who refused to budge. Instead, I had to carry him, wrapped in a towel, in my lap to the vet and back. The good news is he didn't get sick, but he sure complained the entire trip.

Pete, foiling Plan A

Mountain Dew Baja Blast tastes like window cleaner.

One of my primary boys needed to use the restroom the other day while we were on the playground, and how I knew this is because he grabbed his bottom and announced, "I have to poop!" The nearest bathroom is a "real" men's room, not like the one we have adjoining our classroom with an itty bitty, child-sized toilet in it. As I hustled him into the bathroom, he paused at the urinal. "Can I poop in there?" he asked. "No, not ever," I answered and sent him into the stall. "Why not?" he asked, and I told him, "It's only for peeing. Ask your dad to show you how."

The previous conversation is vitally important to have with a small boy, because last year, my assistant teacher took a primary boy into that very restroom from the playground and waited politely in the hallway without standing in the doorway (she'll never do THAT again, I can assure you). And THAT little boy managed to hoist himself into the urinal and poop there. I kid you not. (His mother [and my good friend] has been waiting patiently for this story to appear in my blog, so I'm happy I was finally able to work it in.) 

One more preschool story: we had a long conversation in primary class today about the importance of keeping your finger out of your nose. Interesting correlation: the ones who are the most vocal about why you shouldn't put your finger in your nose are usually the ones poking a finger up there.

I lost my school keys today, which is bad (there are three different indoor keys attached to an electronic key card). But while I was looking in my classroom for them, I found a $10 gift card to Sonic that I forgot I had, which is good. And then, at the end of the day, I found my keys in a side pocket of my purse where I keep my sunglasses, which is really, REALLY good, because if I had lost them on the playground the day before, which I had previously thought could have happened, then some homeless person or neighborhood hooligan could have found them, and that would have been very, very bad.

Vice President Biden is coming to Joplin for the official ribbon cutting at the new high school, and I'm pretty darn excited! I wish President Obama could come (he was here a week after the tornado and again at the one year anniversary, at which time he spoke at graduation, and we could not see him either time), but he's a little busy right now with work.

I made clothes for a frog this weekend. Top that.


  1. I'm sorry that Mountain Dew Baja Blast tastes like window cleaner, but I'm a little worried about how you know that.

  2. I like your froggy clothes. I'll take your word about your clothes.

    Stop drinking window cleaner and KEEP EATING PUMPKINS :D

    The poop story was great - that one's gonna go down in history for that kid, I reckon. It'll be dragged out at his 21st as "That time when you..."

    Well done you for getting Fletcher to the vet - BIGGER well done for not getting sicked on.

    And you see more white hairs cos they're more visible, that's all. The blue ones are there *somewhere*.

    1. That is now one well-dressed frog.
      I'll go thirsty before I drink window cleaner OR Mountain Dew again. Eating....
      His mother entirely blames his father for not teaching him about urinals.
      It was the longest two mile trip I think I've ever taken.
      Well, there you go.

  3. The joys of teaching preschool. The poop in the urinal sure upset our director one day. I had weather bear. Froggy is a snappy dresser.

    1. It never occurred to me that a boy would poop in the urinal. It couldn't be comfortable.
      I have weather bear in my primary class. The toddler teacher wanted the weather frog in the worst way, then found out he didn't have the right kind of clothes. His new wardrobe is nothing short of flamboyant.

  4. I do not understand the cat carrier problem. Why didn't you just lift the back of it and dump the cat out?
    A pint of ice cream isn't much ice cream at all. Of course, probably not best to eat it right before dinner.

    A Spongebob grill...awesome. I so enjoy your kids' conversations.

    1. Because there was 25 pounds of Pete in the carrier! I couldn't lift it with one hand, and I couldn't put Fletcher down or he would have taken off.
      It had bananas in it. That's healthy, right?
      I guess she needs to work in fast food some time, so she can see what a grill means MOST of the time at a restaurant!

  5. Did I miss out on who sent the candy pumpkins?

  6. Omg the vid wouldn't play on my phone so I came back!!! SNORT! !!! HAHAHA!!! POOR KITTY!

  7. Wait. Are pints of ice cream NOT intended to be eaten in one sitting? This ruins everything.

    That urinal poop story is a gem.

    1. Amy! Amyamyamyamy! You've been away too long!

      The Ben & Jerry's container said 4 servings. Isn't that cute?

      The urinal poop story is even better because I didn't have to clean it up.

  8. hahahahaHA this had me cracking up so much my daughter asked what I was laughing at. I showed her the video, 4 yr old said "It's sounds like he's say 'Noooo.'" and the 2 yr old said "Kitty so CUTE!" and now she wants to watch it over and over and over :)
    A pint of ice cream is NOT that much, and I'll bet Mountain Dew Baja Blast is worse for your body than window cleaner. And worse for your windows for sure.
    I love that frog's zoot suit! Very stylish!

    1. Poor, poor Fletcher! He didn't pull any punches about his feelings about going to the vet. I think your 4 year old was right!

      A pint of ice cream is a good start. I will pass on drinking Mountain Dew AND window cleaner from now on.

      Best dressed frog in the pond.

  9. This may be one of my favorite posts of yours ever. But I think I may have said that before...at least once.
    So who did send the pumpkins???
    Little kid poop stories are always entertaining. My diaper fail story about Kidzilla is still one of the most popular posts on my blog. Just be glad you teach preschool and not high school. It seems boys of that age also attempt to poop in urinals. So I'm told.
    That whole cats and carriers and vet thing? Yeah. It's obnoxious. And we're stupid people who take all three on the same day. Trust me, it's the lesser of two evils because anytime one of them goes to the vet, the others freak out and it's days of fighting and hissing. Someone needs to remind me why I have three cats...

    1. Aww, thanks, Lisa! You always make my day!
      I need to follow up on the pumpkin mystery, don't I?
      Poop stories are the BEST when you aren't the one cleaning it up! That's why your Kidzilla story is so popular! And high school boys poop in urinals? Can't they just go in the bathroom and smoke pot and be done with it?
      You have three cats because you don't want four....

    2. You know, someone told us that when we got the third one. She said "stop there because you do not want four cats. Ever."

    3. At four, you start looking like crazy cat people.