Sunday, June 24, 2012

Hot Fun In The Summertime

Know how to get a very busy plastic surgeon to call you personally? Leave a message at his office that Homeland Security found something suspicious in the breast he recently constructed.

After the Airport Incident, I decided it might be in my best interest to call my plastic surgeon's office and ask why my left boobie would set off the body scanner at the airport. I had to leave a voice mail message for the nurse, who returned my call later in the day, telling me Dr. Geter was in surgery all day, and she would talk to him the next morning.

The next morning, I was driving home from my walk at Wildcat Park (which, by the way, has had a couple of REAL wildcat sightings recently and which may make me reconsider it as a walking location) when my cell phone rang. It was Dr. Geter, himself, wanting more details about my experience at the airport.  When he realized it was a body scanner and not a metal detector, he became less concerned about it. He swore no metal was used to shore up the new girls and that it was probably some scar tissue. Since my oncologist ordered a chest x-ray that I had done in May, I told Dr. Geter I would tell my oncologist about the Airport Incident and have the chest x-ray  scrutinized for anything, well, metallic. 

On Friday, I had an appointment with a general and colorectal surgeon about my colonoscopy. Remembering my first visit to the oncologist, I was ready for him to have a look-see at anything he needed to see, but he just wanted to talk. I can never second guess when these guys want to talk and when they want to look. He asked me who had it in for me to send me to see him (that would be Dr. Croy). Then, he explained the procedure and then sent me to his scheduling nurse to set it all up. The next available date was July 5, so I took that so I could get it over with. Mistake. As the nurse began giving me my instructions, she said "Wow, this will really make your 4th of July stink." She was right.  I might as well kiss 4th of July goodbye for this year. Starting when I get up on the 4th, I will be on clear liquids only. Nothing with red, pink, or purple dye in it. At 3:00 that afternoon, I will take four (FOUR!) laxatives at once, then start drinking a gallon of Gatorade laced with Miralax (as long as it isn't red, pink or purple Gatorade, the only flavors I might possibly like). I don't really care that much about missing fireworks on the 4th, especially since I can see the fireworks at Landreth Park from my bathroom window, and on any OTHER day, the clear liquid diet wouldn't bother me, either. BUT our neighborhood has a wonderful, corny, patriotic 4th of July celebration with lots and lots of yummy food, and I WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT ANY OF IT! 

Next stop was the oncologist's office. He said my blood work all looked good and explained again about why I had a FREAKING PERIOD three weeks ago. I asked if it would happen again this month after my Zoladex injection, and he said, "It shouldn't, but if it does, let me know,"  to which I replied, "Oh, I'll let you know, all right...." He looked a little skeptical when I told him I had not experienced any side effects from the drugs (other than the FREAKING PERIOD), but I reminded him that I don't plan on having side effects. He shrugged it off, mentally chalking me up to be a complete nut case, but I'm going to hold tight to the Think System and remain symptom-free.

Last, I went to the infusion center for my Zoladex injection, where I have discovered a flaw in the system: I have an appointment with the oncologist. I also have a time scheduled afterwards at the infusion center. When I get to the infusion center, I have to wait for the pharmacy to deliver my injection. I can maybe see where the pharmacy doesn't want to send it on the assumption that I am going to show up for my appointment, but once I am checked in at the oncologist's office, shouldn't that somehow trigger them to send the injection and have it ready and waiting for me when I get to the infusion center? Seems it should be doable, but, as usual, no one has asked me for my opinion. My nurse was SueAnn, and contrary to anything she might say about the procedure, I did NOT cry like a baby when she stuck me with the Lidocaine and the Zoladex injections (she is threatening blackmail so that I present her favorably in my blog - don't tell her, but she's probably going to be a big part of an upcoming blog, because I absolutely adored her). I did find, however, that I either have a liiiiiiitle more feeling close to the incision than I used to, or else the location was a little outside the numb-zone, because it did actually hurt a little. 

Oh, I did tell Dr. Croy about my curious airport incident, and he pulled up my chest x-ray to show me there didn't appear to be anything there that shouldn't be there, and he agreed with Dr. Geter that it was probably scar tissue, or possibly a hematoma or fluid that would eventually go away.  I guess if I'm still not convinced, then my alternative is to go to the county courthouse and walk through the metal detector there and see what happens. If it sounds like a fun way to spend your afternoon, feel free to join me....

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