Monday, June 10, 2013

A Kitchen Mystery and Proof That My Cats Are Dumb Like Foxes

For your Monday reading enjoyment, a mystery and a musing:

The Mystery

Why is there a knife missing from my kitchen knife block, where is it and who put it there?

It's a Chicago Cutlery knife with maybe a 7" blade. It's been gone for months, but, naturally, NO ONE knows where it is. I have checked every drawer in the kitchen, thinking someone put it away in the wrong place (which is a joke, really, since I'm the only one who ever actually puts stuff away in the kitchen). I looked behind the stove, although it would have been quite a fete to have gotten it back there. No knife. WHERE THE HELL IS IT?  It was my favorite one, next to my completely awesome Wusthof one. 

The Musing

My cats eat from a continuous feeder, so it's a 24/7 kitty buffet around here (which explains Pete). All is copacetic until the silo part of the feeder (the cow analogy is not lost on me here) starts to get low. When this happens, the dish doesn't fill. I don't understand why it doesn't, gravity being what it is, but it doesn't and that's that. It is a simple matter to force the food to fall into the dish by (a) gently giving the reservoir a shake (if you have opposable thumbs) or (b) sticking a paw into the opening, WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE FOOD HOVERING, causing the food to dislodge and fill the dish (for those of us with paws and half a brain). 



Then there's the third option: act like cutting horses and herd me into the kitchen to the empty bowl, sit beside it with pitiful kitteh eyes, and throw in a mournful yowl or two. Don't help yourself by poking it with a paw (and this is doable, because my previous cat did it, and she was no rocket scientist genius fool).  They just stare at me when I say, 'STICK YOUR STUPID FOOT IN THERE AND GET IT YOURSELF, YOU MORONS!"

And then I give in and shake the food down.

And, smugly, they dine.


16 comments:

  1. Oh, isn't that just lovely, when the cats herd you?

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    1. I especially love it when I'm carrying a heaping full laundry basket down the stairs.

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  2. Mine often requires that I give his kibble a little stir with my fingers. Somehow this must make it more palatable.

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    1. I need to make a Vine of Pete sitting there, his big ol' belly hanging out, looking at the empty dish, looking at me, looking at the empty dish, looking at me....

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  3. Did you check the freezer? My mom once lost her glove (for weeks) and finally found it when she went to get something out of the freezer.
    Some day, far in the future, your kids will be packing up your house, getting ready to move you into a nursing home, find the knife in the most bizarre location and say, "Oh, yeah! I forgot I put it there! Don't tell Mom."

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    1. I haven't tried the freezer yet, but it's about the ONLY place I haven't looked. If my kids find it when they're packing me up for the home, maybe they'll bring it when they visit me and cut my meat into little tiny pieces.

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  4. I predict someone was using it to cut summer sausage and cheese! Maybe it is under the couch!

    That cat is looking a little rotund. He may give my cat a run for his money. Hard to tell. My cat doesn't necessarily herd me, but if he can see the bottom of his bowl he freaks out and continually pesters me until I put in more food.

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

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    1. When I find that knife, Imma gonna cut somebody.

      Calling my cat "rotund" is putting it very nicely. He's 24 lbs. and solid as a rock.

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    2. I have no choice... my cat hates "fat" and he is too "obtuse" to understand what rotund and robust are ;-)

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  5. Replies
    1. I'm going to start sleeping with one eye open.

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  6. If you're anything like me then the knife is in the bathroom. For some strange reason, everything I lose just turns up in the bathroom. It's like there's a magic black hole that spits things out in there.

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    1. Would you check your bathroom for it?

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    2. Hahahaha!! One of the best replies to a comment ever.

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  7. I think the sock monster ate the knife. He has been known to wreak havoc throughout my house.

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    1. I'm still holding out that it's in Kellie's bathroom. http://delightfullyludicrous.blogspot.com/

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