Monday, October 7, 2013

Where In The World Is Syphylissa?

Earlier this summer, my bloggy friend Lizzi at Considerings posted a photo of a HIDEOUS doll her husby purchased (a USED doll - let THAT wash over you, all you moms out there) for her niece while at a fair. Horrified at the condition of the doll and what germs she might harbor, Lizzi named the doll "Syphylissa" and slipped it away from her niece's possession at her earliest opportunity.
This is Lizzi's picture from her blog.
Don't you love that chubby little arm
around Syph's neck?

A few days later, Syphylissa was caught and photographed looking at doll porn on Lizzi's laptop, and an idea was born, thanks in part to my friend Amy at Banana Wheels and her inspiring photographs of Creepy Baby. First came the pictures of Syph doing some pretty naughty things. Really naughty things. Then the BRILLIANT idea was hatched that Syph visit some of Lizzi's blogger friends around the world.

Problem: Syph is no lightweight. Shipping her from the U.K. to the U.S. was going to be pricey (because, like all babies, her head is heavier than the rest of her). Back to the drawing board, and the Master Minds of Lizzi and Dyanne came up with a take on Flat Stanley (a rather perverted Flat Stanley, mind you). And a few weeks ago, Syph made a trans-Atlantic trip to Joplin, Missouri.

Let Syph's U.S. adventure begin!

She attended her first volleyball game. She was a good spectator, cheering on the Freshman team, celebrating their win with the coach.





Old habits are hard to break, and the minute I let her out of my sight, that little minx was into trouble. In the boys bathroom, reading "Toilet Talk" while she was there. She disappeared upstairs into the weight room, where the trainer and the weights coach were hiding having a meeting.



She tried to break into the fire extinguisher case and pull the fire alarm, but fortunately, she was thwarted by having cardboard arms. That didn't stop her from climbing into the popcorn maker.


After promising me she would be on her VERY BEST behavior (mhm) , I let her go to preschool with me. She was very sweet to an amputee bear who was visiting with his preschooler for Teddy Bear Picnic day. Very Clara Barton of her, don't you think? She did end up spending a few minutes in the Sad Chair after being caught in the baptismal font, doing the backstroke. Then she tried to redeem herself with a few verses of "In The Garden" before I took her home for a nap before the football game that evening.




As evening rolled around, it was time to head to Junge Stadium to watch the Eagles play against the Hillcrest Hornets. Syph enjoyed the marching band playing at half-time. 



And she did love watching the game under the lights. All was fine until after the game (which our team won, by the way), when I caught her trying to pick up a football player. He humored her, posing for a picture, before breaking it to her that he was too old for her.


Facing the end of her visit, Syph accompanied me to the oncologist's office, and, naturally, was unable to resist playing with the equipment. She also stopped by the high school's 11/12 center, which has been located in a former store in the mall since the 2011 tornado destroyed the high school. She was suitably impressed with it. Then a quick stop at Walmart, where I stopped her before she shoplifted some condoms.





Sadly, her visit has had to come to an end. Where will she end up next? All I can say is, be very careful when you answer your door open the mail. 


Bye, Syph. Things won't be the same without you.




33 comments:

  1. Way to show her the sights! Creepy Baby really needs to get out more.

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    1. See what you started? And Creepy Baby is still my favorite (don't tell Syph).

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  2. Oh. My. GOSH! You have absolutely OUTDONE yourself. This is the most INCREDIBLE photo series of Syph! Absolutely love what you've done with her! I was in stitches the whole way through. Just WOW :D

    I'm so pleased she was reasonably well behaved (picking up footballers and shoplifting condoms notwithstanding...) and that you haven't had to use that torch taser thing on her yet ;)

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    1. She's a hot mess. I hope whoever gets her next can handle her.

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  3. Soooo glad syph is off travelling, not infecting my girl!!! (Niece) :D looks like she had fun! Haha :)

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    1. Hi, Sarah! She's had too much fun. Way too much fun.

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    2. I promise you - Niece is NEVER having her back. Ever. She's too gross.

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    3. Plus, Lizzi is having too much fun playing with her to give her up.

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    4. HA! There's that, too ;)

      But you've had fun too - ta gotta admit...

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  4. This is hilarious! That Syphylissa is one naughty little doll. From the looks of things, even Flat Syph is amassing quite the germ collection - urinals and toilet talk?
    Love this.

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    1. I really can't believe she got on top of the urinal. Hell, I can't believe she went in a boys bathroom at all. Obviously, I wasn't a very good chaperone.

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    2. Sure, there was no ulterior motive there at all! No challenge you had to rise to...

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  5. That was beyond funny...you girls are so clever. And I am thankful that Syph doesn't have my address. Well, someone she knows has it, but I'm certain Christine wouldn't give me up. Thanks for helping me laugh this morning! :)

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    1. Like I said, be very careful when you open your mail....

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  6. haha, she's a handful! That is a really great printout of her! She looks real in it. Kind Creepy lol

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    1. Apparently, the FIRST copy of Syph got glued to the coffee table by mistake.

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    2. Oh thanks a bajillion for remembering THAT little nugget in public. Out loud :p

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    3. Syph is so naughty, she managed to stick herself to the table, right? Because that's the only way it could have happened....

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  7. This might be the best bloggy idea EVER! I LOVE IT! It should win a blog award. Flat Syph?? Genius! And so frickin' hilarious I can't stand it! Well done keeping her (somewhere) in line while she was with you Dyanne. I'm sure you had to sleep with one eye open. :)

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    1. Thanks, Beth! Be very, very careful. She may show up at YOUR house one of these days!

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  8. I am dying to know where Flat Syph is going next. Oh, the possibilities!

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  9. I am doing a little catch-up tonight... and am just now reading this. Oh my word! Too.funny!

    It looks like she was very busy during her visit with you.

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