W is for Wienermobile

 

Back in January 2019, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that one of the local television stations posted a story saying Oscar Mayer was looking for applicants to be a Hotdogger (I'm not kidding) and drive the Wienermobile for a one-year, full-time, paid assignment. 

How cool would that be?!

I went to their website and checked the requirements: outgoing, creative, friendly, enthusiastic, appetite for adventure, willing to drive around the country in the Wienermobile as a brand ambassador of Oscar Mayer through radio, television, newspaper, and personal appearances. 

I could do that!

BA or BS, preferably in marketing, public relations, journalism, advertising, or communications, but applicants not limited to these degrees. 

Perfect, because while I don't have one of those degrees that I am not limited to, but I DO have a BS in Elementary Education!

Traveling to big cities and small towns for special events all over the country.

I LOVE to drive and visit new places!

Organize promotions, coordinate with media, handle public relations.

Pssshhh! In previous jobs, I coordinated photo shoots and recording sessions for country music artists AND I have wrangled children as a teacher for over 20 years. Piece of cake!

I sent them a cover letter that was sure to get me hired:

I would love to be your next hotdogger! I realize there is a lot of competition for this job, particularly since the announcement went viral over social media, but I believe I am just what you need.

Here is what I can bring to the job as an Oscar Mayer Hotdogger:

• I love to drive. Our family vacations are driving vacations, with the trip being just as important as the destination.
• I have a clean driving record. I don't speed, and I know when to use my turn signals.
• I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs.
• I'm used to working with children, plus I know how to pose them for pictures.
• I have a Bachelor's degree, and although it is not in a business field, I believe my eclectic work experience makes up for that.
• I have appeared on local television morning shows to speak about community events in which I was involved, as well as been interviewed by the local newspaper.

My kids are away at college, and my husband has said he would be fine if I got the job. This is, in part, because he doesn't think I have a real chance to get it, but I believe he is wrong.

And I waited. And waited. And waited. 

And they never got back to me.

I WAS PERFECT FOR THE JOB AND THEY NEVER EVEN GAVE ME A CHANCE!

Yes, I'm still bitter.

I went to the Oscar Mayer Wiener Tour Site as I was writing this post, and when I could tell they had revamped the job description, adding wording like "contributing to brand social content". But they changed something ELSE that wasn't there when I applied, and that is adding the words, "graduating college seniors" to the job requirements.

My husband has theorized that they added the part about graduating college seniors because they got an application and resume from a crazy middle-aged woman when they expected this to appeal to a younger crowd. Their loss.

You missed out, Oscar Mayer. I would have been the best Hotdogger you ever had!

This. Should have. Been. Me.