K is for Kabobs

 

When I came up with my theme (which I did as I was signing up for the theme reveal), I never really intended to COOK everything in the alphabet, just EAT it. Now I feel I have some sort of obligation to cook (I don't), and I feel guilty if I don't (I shouldn't). Thus far, the dreadful haikus I wrote for "E" marks the only non-cooking entry in my A to Z posts; that is, until now.

Some might argue that I have, indeed, produced food for my "K" post; however, others will see it as a feeble (and expensive) attempt to skirt actual cooking (and inherent planning) of the food for this post. These vague "others" would be right, but silly me, it would have been easier to cook something than what I ended up doing.

See, I was going to make Kung Pao Cauliflower to "K". I even bought a a cauliflower! But I lost my "pao" this week due to lack of good sleep (thunderstorms, hail that hit the house sounding as though someone were throwing quarters at the windows, potential for tornadoes, you know, spring in the midwest). 

My solution to losing my pao was to go to Walmart for Easter candy and make some cutesy Easter Kabobs. I bought a bag of wooden skewers a number of years ago, and I was positive they were in a utensil drawer in the pantry, where they stabbed me every time I dug around in there for something. I texted my husband to check the drawers. He allegedly checked, didn't find them, and said "just buy some more skewers." 

Blame it on supply chain or an urge by everyone in the 4-state area deciding to make shish kabobs on the grill, but there were NONE at Walmart. And we're talking HUGE Super Center. I didn't want to drive all over town checking the Dollar Tree and Home Depot, so I bought some wooden sticks from the cake decorating aisle at Walmart. They were pretty colors and would look very Eastery, but the lack of a sharp point on one end was worrisome (as well it should have been).

Waiting until four days before Easter to buy candy also proved to be an issue. Supply was dwindling, plus I had the added parameters of the candy having to be skewerable. And just because you could put a skewer through it did not mean it was skewerable, as a number of candies had squishy fillings that would leak out (think Cadbury eggs). I bought a ridiculous amount of candy (not even going to put in writing how much I spent), then went home to make the kabobs.

Of course, I had to check the pantry drawers, because I KNEW those wooden, stabby skewers were in there somewhere, but. they. weren't. I still think my husband never opened a drawer to look and just told me to buy more skewers, but they definitely weren't where I thought they were (a mystery for another day). 

I used one of our stainless steel skewers to make pilot holes in the candy (have I mentioned that we have NEVER, EVER, NOT EVEN ONCE made any kind of kabob before in almost 30 years of marriage, yet we have at least a dozen stainless steel ones and, somewhere, a bag of sharp, pointy, wooden ones?) and set to work.

Here's what I found out about making Easter candy kabobs:

• a brightly colored, flat ended stick does not go through gummy candy very well, even if it has a pilot hole
• Junior Mints cannot withstand the pressure of being poked through with anything
• cute Reese's candy made to be a carrot no longer looks anything like a carrot once you take the orange foil off of it
• marshmallow Peeps shaped like bunnies are perfect for a kabob; the chicks on a stick look like someone is performing a satanic ritual
• forget jelly beans altogether, because they are just too small 

So here are my kabobs. They look stupid. 

Stupid

Stupid x2

Better but still stupid

Wrapping it pretty was like
putting lipstick on a pig